When pain and joy collide.

Today is Father’s Day. A day to celebrate Dad — your dad, your spouse, brother, etc.

I’m one of the lucky one’s. My dad is alive and healthy, and we have a great relationship. Not only do I get to continue to learn from him, but now my children have an incredible opportunity to experience his silly jokes, stories from his childhood, and his love of life. I just spent the last several days with my parents, watching my kids soak up the love of their grandparents, which is a heartfelt and fulfilling exchange to watch.

Grateful. Grateful. Grateful.

I recognize, however, not everyone has what I do. Perhaps you have a strained relationship with your dad, or the father of your children, or maybe your dad has passed away. It’s these holiday’s and celebrations that strike a blow, and shove in your face what you so desperately want to disappear, reappear, or look differently than it does today. It brings to the forefront for the umpteenth time the pain, the loss, the sorrow.

Last year, I wrote about the juxtaposition of grief and joy, which you may read here, and a tool to use when these emotions collide. These two can coexist. One does not have to supersede the other. I talk a lot about positivity, and the power of your mental attitude and outlook, but I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t share with you that it is okay to feel down, and you don’t have to feel positive and upbeat 100% of the time. It simply isn’t natural. However, it is about moving through the state of mind you are in, and not wallowing or getting stuck in the despair. Emotions are meant to be felt. Allow for them to be there, and bring into your awareness all that comes up for you when they arise.

You honor what is no longer there for you by acknowledging your feelings. Some ways in which to delve further into it, to release what is inside, is to write a letter to your dad or the person who is at the crux of the feelings, or free write in your journal stream of consciousness thoughts. Writing is a powerful tool to help move the feelings through. Now, writing is something to do in times of joy as well. It is about all feelings — good, bad, indifferent. Write, without judgement. Sharing it is an option, and the choice is yours.

Mel